Special Weather Statement! OMG.

I love these "Special Weather Statements" from NOAA. They're great because they attempt to be professional, but ultimately, they always break down and reveal what "weather wimps" we are up here in the Emerald City. "It's going to be hot, so don't leave your pet in a parked car and check up on grandma" is essentially what this one is telling us. And it's not even going to be that hot, we may hit, gasp, 90 degrees!

And they're always in all CAPS like the sky is falling.

For your enjoyment, ( ) are my comments:

...HOT WEATHER ACROSS WESTERN WASHINGTON THIS WEEKEND...

A STRONG RIDGE OF HIGH PRESSURE WILL BUILD OVER THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST FRIDAY THROUGH THE WEEKEND. TEMPERATURES ON FRIDAY WILL BE NOTICEABLY WARMER ACROSS WESTERN WASHINGTON UNDER SUNNY SKIES. (They have to say this because it never happens.) OFFSHORE FLOW WILL STRENGTHEN OVER THE WEEKEND WITH MUCH HOTTER TEMPERATURES EXPECTED. SOME SPOTS MAY FLIRT WITH RECORD HIGH TEMPERATURES...ESPECIALLY LOCATIONS AWAY FROM THE WATER.

TEMPERATURES ON FRIDAY ARE EXPECTED TO RANGE FROM THE 70S ALONG THE COAST TO THE UPPER 70S AND 80S INLAND. ON SATURDAY AND SUNDAY MOST AREAS SHOULD REACH INTO THE 80S...WITH SOME LOW TO MID 90S POSSIBLE. IT IS POSSIBLE THAT A FEW SPOTS COULD APPROACH OR BREAK THE RECORD HIGH TEMPERATURE FOR THE DAY.

MARINE AIR WILL ARRIVE AT THE COAST MONDAY (Collective, community wide sigh of relief) BRINGING COOLER TEMPERATURES. HOWEVER...IT MAY TAKE A COUPLE DAYS FOR TEMPERATURES TO MODERATE OVER INTERIOR WESTERN WASHINGTON.

EXCEPT FOR THE SHORT HOT SPELL IN MID MAY...IT HAS BEEN COOLER THAN NORMAL THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS. (Double tru dat, homie). THIS WILL BE A RATHER ABRUPT TRANSITION TO HOT WEATHER. BE CAREFUL OF THE HEAT IN THE COMING DAYS AND CHECK UP ON THE ELDERLY. STAY HYDRATED AND AVOID VIGOROUS ACTIVITY DURING THE HEAT OF THE DAY. NEVER LEAVE PETS IN A PARKED CAR.

OMG, I was totally thinking of doing vigorous activity on my front porch, but thanks to NOAA, I can blow that off for another week!

Overheard somewhere in Seattle...
"Didn't you read the Special Weather Statement? I'm supposed to stay hydrated. Beer me."